As I sit here, my heart is broken. My daughter-in-law breathed her last breath this morning. This mom’s heart is broken for her son,her grandsons, her daughter,her husband and herself. All who knew her.
As broken as my heart is…we continue to be “the lucky ones” for having known and loved Hyunjin.
During my life, I have not been immune to hard times.
The hardest times, however have been when pain befalls on my children through no fault of their own. This is a devastating situation for a parent. When your heart wants to fix their pain, but you do not have the ability to do so.
I can with deepest honesty state that I do not hate anyone. I do, however, hate how people don’t value others. Life is the most precious gift.
With even more sincerity, I can say that I hate cancer! Twice I have received the news of this devastating diagnosis within my son’s small family. Life is the most precious gift. They have valued life.
I received even more devastating news from my daughter-in-law, Hyunjin when she informed me that the doctors told her to go on Hospice. She said Brian is still trying to process and he would contact me when he was ready. When I told her that I would not give up hope. She shared that she had not either until that morning when the doctors suggested hospice. She said she no longer had hope. This broke my heart.
Later, this same day, she FaceTimed us. She was trying to talk quietly as to not bother her roommate. She said she would be going home the next day. She said that they had told her precious sons. Even though my heart is breaking. How difficult this is for her. Not only in physical pain, from this horrific disease, but also the pain of informing your children how hard the coming days will be.
As we were sharing our love for her, she also replied, “Mom, you love so much. Brian needs space and time.” I will give him this space despite how my heart wants to walk through this with him, Hyunjin and the boys. How even though I cannot take away the pain that they are going through. That I could be a support. I feel by giving space, I am not doing what a mother is supposed to do. It seems like I am not caring.
I realize this is selfishness on my part. Wanting to be a “good Mom”. Not doing anything, doesn’t seem like I’m being a good Mom. For when I view my kids, no matter their age, I still see those sweet little people that I had the privilege of sharing life with and their spouses as my own children.
I will do as Hyunjin suggested. She is the one who knows him better than anyone and she is protecting the man she has loved. I will wait and wait some more if need be until they want my help. However hard that may be.
This is not about me…
This is their story. Their love.
Today, my daughter-in-law texted me and informed me that the doctors suggested that they start hospice. She said that my son, Brian is having a hard time processing this and she wanted to contact me but, he would when he could wrap his mind around this.
I asked her how she was processing and she replied that she was okay but worried about her two sons of eleven and almost thirteen.
I told her that I still had hope beyond what the doctors say. She said she did too until this morning. Now, she has none.
How do I help? They like their privacy. My instinct is to rush down and help any way that I can. Yet, they have always been so very private. Enjoying their little 4 person nest.
I am thinking of this as my aunt just went into a medical care facility today and a cousin who was caring for her has just been hospitalized and is confused. A childhood classmate/co-worker, has had a setback from a stroke he experienced in June after showing much improvement. My cousin is struggling with caring for her husband who is basically bed/wheelchair ridden, while she, herself, has afib that they can’t get to the bottom of and now her 4 year old grandson has bone cancer and started treatment. Our brother-in-law had a stroke a couple weeks ago and they thought he was on his death bed but just the last day or so, has started showing some improvement.
These are all huge challenges of people I hold dear. How do I help? I pray, I listen, I get emotional. I pray, “If you will…please heal. Help me, if I have any unbelief.”
Until I hear otherwise, I will continue to have hope for these I hold dear.
This last Monday, I was able to chaperone for my daughter’s fourth grade class and another fourth grade class.
As their school bus rolled in, I enjoyed watching the kids bound out, chatting, excited, laughing. Eager to see what the rangers had in store for them.
The DNR rangers had an array of activities and did an awesome job. They encouraged them to see the world around them with all their senses.
The kids were pure joy.
I was sad to see them go, but they had an hour bus ride back to school.
I so appreciate my daughter inviting me to chaperone. The kids asked if I could come to their classroom. I hope I get that opportunity in the future.
Kids are so fun and we,who get a chance to spend time with them are definitely the lucky ones.
We want the very best for our kids. We cheer them on to be the best that they can be. We do whatever we can to make life easier for them. Yet, there are times that what they need is beyond what we can give.
This is a blog post by my son,
Sometimes, we must remind ourselves that we are the Lucky Ones despite what the world throws at us. Despite the pain. God is good regardless of what goes on in this world.
I have to admit that for the last month or two, that I have been watching politics. This is a dark path that leads only to depression. Even though I know that what we see is just a smoke screen.
I am appalled by how much people hate and say horrible things about candidates. I am horrified how the media and candidates can out and out twist the truth and publicize it. I am amazed at how people are brainwashed and believe all the garbage of the media.How families are ripped apart by what they believe and will not back down from supporting their candidate, even if that means being estranged from family members. I challenge you, that when you watch anything about politics or other news, to look at what they are saying. Do they have a negative spin or are they just reporting the news. I think that you will find not much news. I first noticed this during Covid. When things started not making sense. Yes, Covid-19 was deadly, yet that year, heart disease had the most deaths, Cancer being number two and Covid coming in third. Did you see heart death numbers flashed across the screen? Cancer numbers? No, because of the fear that they wanted to instill..to control. To cause division.
When I was in grade school, I had a teacher that had been a POW. He warned us of subliminal messages that get thrown at you while you watch tv. They flash them so quickly that your conscience mind can’t see it. I see that happening, but I also see the repeating of phrases, which is a brainwashing technique. I am so disappointed in the media. I started quite awhile ago, noticing that journalists don’t tell the news. They read scripts of hatred. I have noticed that they put down and discredit a candidate. Why don’t they just state the actual news and not try to make the candidates look bad? I believe without their spin, there would not be such a divide.
I, personally am tempted not to vote. Even though I don’t care for his personality. Trump is crude and arrogant. Yet, when you listen to what he says rather than what the media says, I have not heard lies, I’ve heard what he is passionate about. He is not charismatic and smooth in speech. He downgrades people. He does not fit into the elite. I felt safer in his presidency than the current. Yet, I feel that everything that has been thrown at him has caused him to be bitter and has aged him extensively. If you are a Christian, people automatically assume that you are a Trump supporter and you are characterized and judged. I also don’t care for Harris’s personality. She is also arrogant and condescending. I have noticed her telling out and out lies. The media seems to like her. They never call her out on the lies. She uses the same strategy that Gretchen Whitmer used against Tudor Dixon in regard to abortion and other issues.Twisting what they actually stand for and repeat it over and over. Her DNC speech theme was “joy”. ( Which mirrored Hitler’s strategy) and she keeps quoting “ a new way forward” ( a Marxist strategy). She actually scares me. I feel if she is elected, we will not be a free nation anymore. The media tries to portray her as unintelligent but, she is very intelligent. I see a woman that is controlling and thrives on power. I see us as a Communist nation under her leadership. Regardless of who gets elected, I know there will be chaos and upheaval in our country.
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Having stated all of that, I am returning to my life before watching politics.
I am using any time that I wasted watching the news and politics to get in God’s Word more than I have. To stay connected to Him through His Word and prayer. Leaning on the Holy Spirit to give me the discernment, the wisdom and power to live free from fear in this dark and sinful world. This world will continue to get more dark, but with the Lord, we can live in peace without fear. In doing so, we continue to be the Lucky Ones, blessed by God.
I Challenge YOU to do the same. To turn off that media, draw close to the Lord.
Then,
His peace, which transcends all understanding, will guard your heart and minds in Christ Jesus.
Then,
You also will be a Lucky One!
Yesterday, was a fun day for me. I went to Bible study, which was awesome. Ladies sharing how God has answered their prayers, sometimes in ways opposite of their requests, was truly amazing.
After Bible study, I went with my sister-in-law and two other ladies, to Elk Rapids to visit another lady friend, Nancy, that we haven’t seen in awhile. Everywhere Nancy lives, she creates a home with harmony and beauty. While there, we sat on her deck, enjoying each other’s company and a potluck lunch. Nancy had invited a new neighbor to join us.
Her neighbor was such a joy to visit with, yet she had struggles of her own. Losing her best friend/mother this year has taken a toll on her faith. Moving to Elk Rapids with her husband from Chicago and struggles within her marriage, has put her in a low state. Despite this, even though her faith is shaken, she still has stories of God’s faithfulness. I am thankful that she ended up next to Nancy. Nancy will wrap her arms of hospitality and love around her and build her back up. Maybe God will arrange for us to meet again.
I love that about the friendships that God orchestrates. Friendships that build each other up. He truly is an amazing God. I pray that we all have eyes that see His intervention in everything we do and see.
Time just goes so quickly these days. This summer has just flown by and I can’t say that we’ve done anything exciting. Except for!!!! Our kids were here for Independence Day and that was such a blessing.
I have been trying to keep the weeds at bay in our garden to no avail. Even still, we are slowly starting to reap a harvest. I am thankful.
I have to admit that I have gotten side-tracked by things that are just time-stealers. As quickly as we have gotten to August, I must value each precious moment. Now, is the time to regroup, reorganize and take advantage of each moment.
I do thank the Lord for carrying me through the mountain tops of excitement, the valleys of sorrow and even the bland days. He has made them all.
He is faithful, always. Despite my looking away briefly and being overtaken by the evil in this world…He pulls me back. Pulls back my attitude, my fear, my wrong thinking.
I praise Him today that when I allow Him to direct my path…then, I have peace and my days are productive and filled with joy. THEN, we are the Lucky Ones. 🙂
Sometimes, life causes you to contemplate. This is an activity that I, personally engage in frequently. No one is immune to hard or difficult times. I know that I have experienced a few. Yet, they seem so trivial compared to some.
I’ve been thinking about life recently. There are many things in this life that I find hard to explain.
Friends that have lost loved ones way too soon. My daughter-in-law’s cancer, a friend’s husband, falling asleep driving, crashing and as a result has numerous injuries, a young man that I worked with has gone through chemo and radiation for brain cancer and now, has an additional tumor on his brain. The new treatment has left him with no mobility, a classmate experiencing a stroke while camping and his life will never be the same. These are just to name a few.
Some people ask “why?”. Some, take what they have been given and deal with it with such courage and optimism.
Jesus said that in this life we would have trouble. There is much trouble in this world. I am appalled at what goes on in our country politically. It seems that those who are underhanded always win. I am disturbed that people think killing an unborn child is their right. They have changed the wording from killing (murdering)an unborn child to abortion and now to reproductive health. There is nothing healthy about abortion. It is not good for the woman or the child. It has devastating effects on the mother.
As some are dealing with sickness and loss, doing their best to survive. Political candidates are using babies as a bargaining chip for more votes. Rather than finding better funding and ways for couples with the inability to birth their own children to adopt. They would rather kill these precious little ones. Why is this not a crime? Abortion is big business. Don’t for a second think that the politicians pushing it, think it’s better for you. They get big money for themselves. My own state has the most radical abortion rights in the country. This saddens me beyond measure.
These are things that cause pain in my heart. Yet, I am not without hope. Hope in humankind? No. Hope in the Everlasting God. He never said that He would take us out of the evil of this world, but that He would be with us through it.
I have the hope that even though I feel that this world will continue on a downward spiral, there is The One that will give me strength to carry on until He feels I should be with Him.
In conclusion, I must realize that we are the “lucky ones” with every breath we take. Being grateful for all we have. Doing what God wants us to and loving our neighbors as ourselves.
Life is a gift.
When my daughter had only been out of school a few years, she came to visit. It was wonderful to see her and her new friends. We took pics and enjoyed the visit. After she returned home, I viewed some of the pics. I was horrified at how my hair was greying. Despite the fact that I never wanted to dye my hair, I embarked on that 15 year or so, journey. I was not ready to show my greying hair.
This last year, Leonard asked me to quit dying my hair. (I think that he wants to look younger than me). It has taken over a year for all the dye to grow out of my hair. I really don’t care for the result. Had I continued to dye my hair without letting all the dye grow out, I probably could have continued down that path. Being that I didn’t, I’ve been gathering advice from various sources.
My sister-in-law said that she had tried to do highlights but it made it worse. Hmm. My daughter has a good friend, that is a hair salon stylist. From what I’ve seen, she truly has a gift. Often, hairdressers ask you what you want and then end up doing what they want instead. I remember, my daughter sharing with me that Julianne truly listens and accommodates. This also is a gift–being a good listener.
I asked my daughter to inquire of her good friend, Julianne about what I should do. She was quite thorough in her response.
In the end, she said this: “Personally, I’m in the camp of if your natural white hair is beautiful, why not embrace it and forego all that root touch up maintenance. But if I’ve learned anything as a stylist, you can have someone who has the most beautiful natural color, gray, white or otherwise and if they don’t like it and they want it gone, that’s what matters more.”
This makes me thankful in her response, because it shows that she really cares about how that person feels. This, I believe makes for a good stylist and also a good friend.
As you can see, my hair has gotten pretty white, yet it’s brunette in the back. I’m still not sure what I will actually do, but I appreciate the knowledge that Julianne has.
Like the saying that your body ages on the outside, but on the inside, you still feel eighteen. I do still feel eighteen, and it is weird to be sixty-five and have white hair. It’s not like I’ve ever been physically beautiful, so I guess it’s a little vain to think about. Except for the fact that you want to be and do your best and you don’t want to be that “old lady”.
We Are the Lucky Ones 