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Forty-five

I don’t mean to disappoint, By using the title “Forty-five” you might have thought this was a post directed at our 45th president. It is not.

On this day, forty-five years ago, in a matter of minutes, I was no longer Karen Olstrom but became Karen Kirby. Though my name had changed, it would take us a lifetime to morph into “one”.

Despite this fact, we have always loved each other. Some people learn the morphing process right away. Some of us take a while.

Even though I love to chat, I am not a good communicator. Leonard can communicate decisively, boldly, bluntly, truthfully…the list could go on. As a sensitive soul, I don’t always handle this well.

After forty-five years of marriage and 2-1/2 years of dating, I appreciate our differences. We have grown. Our Ying and Yang relationship has brought us here. Where I fail, he steps in. Where he’s a little too harsh, I try to balance. A series of ups and downs have constituted our life together.

Some of those valleys have been when we’ve lost those who were ever so special to us. When we have lost those dear to us, we say to ourselves, “Life is short. Cherish each moment.” Gradually, moment by moment, we don’t cherish each day. We get irritated by something that really doesn’t matter or take days for granted.

Waitress took our pic.

Despite our differences, we are united on the things that matter most:

We have always loved each other.

Our love for and pride of our children and grandchildren knows no bounds.

Our belief in God.

Our general beliefs about morality and the world we live in.

I am thankful for this man that I call my husband…this man that I have loved since being captivated by his humor, when I was eighteen.

When I hear the doctor really emphasizing, how lucky he was to be alive! I am thankful!

I pray that I will be better at cherishing moments. We are not promised even our next breath.

On this day, the 45th anniversary of being wed, we…

Took a hike at 7 Bridges Nature Trailhttps://www.alltrails.com/trail/us/michigan/seven-bridges-trail, walked through the flea market and craft show at the Kalkaska Trout festival and ended with a delicious meal at https://www.trouttowntavern.com/

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This Mom’s Heart

During my life, I have not been immune to hard times.

The hardest times, however have been when pain befalls on my children through no fault of their own. This is a devastating situation for a parent. When your heart wants to fix their pain, but you do not have the ability to do so.

I can with deepest honesty state that I do not hate anyone. I do, however, hate how people don’t value others. Life is the most precious gift.

With even more sincerity, I can say that I hate cancer! Twice I have received the news of this devastating diagnosis within my son’s small family. Life is the most precious gift. They have valued life.

I received even more devastating news from my daughter-in-law, Hyunjin when she informed me that the doctors told her to go on Hospice. She said Brian is still trying to process and he would contact me when he was ready. When I told her that I would not give up hope. She shared that she had not either until that morning when the doctors suggested hospice. She said she no longer had hope. This broke my heart.

Later, this same day, she FaceTimed us. She was trying to talk quietly as to not bother her roommate. She said she would be going home the next day. She said that they had told her precious sons. Even though my heart is breaking. How difficult this is for her. Not only in physical pain, from this horrific disease, but also the pain of informing your children how hard the coming days will be.

As we were sharing our love for her, she also replied, “Mom, you love so much. Brian needs space and time.” I will give him this space despite how my heart wants to walk through this with him, Hyunjin and the boys. How even though I cannot take away the pain that they are going through. That I could be a support. I feel by giving space, I am not doing what a mother is supposed to do. It seems like I am not caring.

I realize this is selfishness on my part. Wanting to be a “good Mom”. Not doing anything, doesn’t seem like I’m being a good Mom. For when I view my kids, no matter their age, I still see those sweet little people that I had the privilege of sharing life with and their spouses as my own children.

I will do as Hyunjin suggested. She is the one who knows him better than anyone and she is protecting the man she has loved. I will wait and wait some more if need be until they want my help. However hard that may be.

This is not about me…

This is their story. Their love.

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So Lucky!

Throughout my life, I have been given so much grace! How did I get so lucky? God. He has given me so much mercy. He has intertwined my life with people that bless my heart and my life. I don’t take those relationships lightly or for granted.

My daughter, Tina’s 4th grade class made me get well cards when I was in the hospital. This touched my heart so much. Tina also shared with me that her class has continually inquired about my recovery. The Lord gave me the idea to ask her if I could come and meet her class and let them know that I was alright. So, I asked Tina if I could come and read her class a story. Tina thought it was a great idea. So, this last week, I checked out a couple books from the library. One, was about sometimes we get frustrated with things that happen and the other was about problems and that we don’t have to be scared about a problem but to look for the opportunity in it. I also read them the poem, “Don’t Quit”. These fourth graders were so attentive and so very good. They were such an encouragement. I feel so lucky and blessed to have had this opportunity.

Yesterday, Tina and Isaac came over for Mother’s Day and brought me a beautiful gift. I am not very materialistic, but it was a wonderful gift, but the gift of her visit and the love she shows mean the world to me. Brian also texted me with wishes and stated that he couldn’t ask for a better mom or role model. These are things that bless my heart, not that I think that I am that great of a mother or role model, but I was lucky enough to have kids that think so and that express their love for me…no gift is greater than that!

Isaac checking out a stream
Leonard and Isaac
Tina and Isaac playing soccer

Today, is Mother’s day. This day encourages me to think about my own Mum and what she meant to me, but also all the other remarkable women and the contribution that they make in this world. As moms, whether we have born children or not,we don’t get an instruction book and yet we do the best that we can. Praying that God will help us in this journey. Often we fail or perceive to fail and as we mature, find out that some of the things we failed at, were maybe not that big of deal or we now know a better way that we could have handled a situation or time in our life. God, in His mercy, takes our efforts and makes them into something beautiful. He is in us and His love flows out into our children or those we come in contact with, if we let Him.

Yes, Leonard and I are the lucky ones! 🙂

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I Remember…

I remember telling my friends that I didn’t want anything to do with kids. I was not going to have any…Ever!

Well, life has a way that at times, causes us to eat our words, especially those spoken as a young adult. I became a parent and the joy that has filled my heart through this has flowed like a river through my life. Now, as a grandparent, I am filled with love and pride as I yearn to be a memorable part of their lives. It is only in God’s great mercy and love that He has designed us to fill our hearts with such love for our children and then our grandchildren. What a “lucky” gift this is from Him.

There have been times that it has been hard to be a parent/grandparent when we have to witness our children and grandchildren go through hard times. Also, it is a hard thing when they have to be set free to live their own lives and we don’t get to see them as much.

I remember loving the days that my kids didn’t have to go to school. It was so exciting to “hang out” with them. They were such a joy to be around.

This is the same feeling that I get when they visit.

This weekend, I not only had the privilege to see my daughter, Tina and grandson, Isaac once as they came to pick berries, but twice…when, Leonard had the idea of a surprise visit to their house. I love seeing these special people. I am so glad, that God had a better plan for my life than what I had for myself. This has happened so many times in my life! I am so thankful!

I look forward to this afternoon also, when my son and grandsons call for a video chat. I am thankful that both of my children are attentive to me, their humble but loving mum and their fun dad.