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Parenthood

Parenting: A lifelong journey. I, personally can only strive to be as wise as my parents were.

It has been a joy watching my own children and grandchildren develop and grow into amazing human beings. Yet, I find that “once a Mom, always a Mom” has been what rules my life, and definitely consumes my thought life. Despite the fact that my daughter and son have their own families to care for and have for many years been out on their own. In my mind, they are still those precious little ones that came to me for comfort, direction, friendship-love.

I have been told that I have empathy for others. I suppose this is true to some extent. I am always concerned with how something effects others. How will this make them feel? At times, this does not have the desired effect. I have tried, since my kids have flown the coup, not to advice, instruct or interfere unless asked. Do I do this perfectly? No. What came to my awareness just recently, is this…that in my concern for the well being of my children…what I thought was empathy and love, made them feel as if I didn’t have confidence in them. After all, as adults, it is their journey. The ups and downs in their lives are theirs to tackle. Not mine. We all are constantly growing through the experiences we have in life. My concern over my children, which comes out in the form of worry, is not beneficial. It changes nothing, except taking up varying degrees of space in my heart and mind. They have both been making decisions for many years and have surpassed anything that I could ever dream for either of them. I am proud of who they are. They have and are continuing to impact those around them in a positive way. Yes, as am I, they are continuing to grow and learn through each experience they have. Whether that be when life is going smoothly or something other than.

Does this mean my love for them has lessened, as I strive not to be a worrier? Definitely not! Does this mean that if they asked me for something or some form of help, that I would not drop everything and do whatever was in my power to assist? Definitely not! What I must remember, is that when my help is not solicited, I can remain unshaken by things in their life. For in this life, there will be trouble. There will be blessings. May they know that my love for them is unmeasurable.

I have always been so impressed with my Dad. He had a job that he was basically a computer in human form. When computers were just starting to be purchased and put in place by manufacturing plants, he was willing to learn about them. Others that worked in his office, refused. Not my Dad, because he always did what he could do to work hard and progress with the changing times. He was always teachable.

I pray that I am that wise. That I remain teachable. I have probably learned more from my kids than anyone else, other than Jesus, of course. They both attain wisdom beyond their years.

Sometimes, we just need someone to speak a word and God will use that to bring awareness to us. We need Him to open our eyes to how we are perceived and with each word, each thought, we are either speaking life or speaking death. May I speak life.

“Whoever loves instruction loves knowledge, but whoever hates correction is stupid. – Proverbs 12:1

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Mild Thoughts for Today

Most people have a favorite thing. My favorite thing? Without a doubt, people, other than God of course. God has created each person so magnificently. The diversity of people is not, as some might think, a bad thing. How each person’s personality is wisely crafted by their Creator. It is an awesome thing! We were designed to need, encourage and be a part of the bigger picture. Sadly, so often, we think the world revolves around just us and our little world.

I believe that is why it is such a joy to me when I stumble across a friend,(as I did this week) an old coworker, a relative, a stranger on the street. Each of so much more value than could ever be imagined or any material thing this life has to offer.

Being that I truly love people, when one of those dear to me leaves this world…it is so hard for me. As it is for most, I think.

I remember when my Dad passed, the first of many that are close to my heart. I remember thinking, “How can life just go on like nothing happened?” This would not be the last time that I felt this way.

For some reason, once I know someone’s birthday/anniversary, when it comes to that day. Those people pop into my head and I spend a little time reminiscing, regardless if that person remains on this earth or not. I feel this is a gift from the Holy Spirit. There are things in my house that were gifts or pictures or maybe a book that was given to me that when I look at those things, they also cause me to reflect on the person who gave it to me. God has blessed me with so many wonderful people in my life.

This past week, Leonard’s two siblings that no longer live on this earth had birthdays. His sister, Phyllis. I admired her. She was crafty, witty, fun. She was such a natural with everything. I remember how excited she was to find a dress she liked for Brian and Jinn’s wedding. What a special memory. One time, she helped Brian make some brownies and he got the recipe from her. The recipe name? “Aunt Phyllis’ Best Brownies”. She loved both my kids, Brian and Tina and loved them so naturally.

Leonard’s brother, Dale’s birthday was the day after Phyllis’. My heart went out to Dale because he seemed to never fit in. Yet, to me, he was always kind and respectful. When Leonard’s Mom passed away, he gave me her Bible and said that he thought their Mom would want me to have it and he knew that I would use it. In the front it was handwritten that it was a gift to their Mom from Phyllis and Gordon. I asked Phyllis, if she would like to keep it and she told me she wanted me to have it.

During the summer, after Thursday morning Bible study, one of my other sister-in-laws, Louise, likes to go on local adventures with friends. She graciously always includes me. 🙂

This week, we are going to go on a picnic and an art walk. In honor of Phyllis, Dale and their Mom (even though her birthday is in May), I am bringing “Aunt Phyllis’ Best Brownies” to honor my sister-in-law, whom I can still hear her laugh. I am also bringing Leonard’s Mom’s Bible to Bible Study to honor Dale for his sentiment to me, knowing that their Mom’s Bible would be special to me.

I read Ecclesiastes this week. It’s kind of a sobering book because Solomon says that everything is meaningless. I heard that the context is better explained “everything is fleeting”. This is true. Good times are fleeting, bad times are fleeting. Life goes so quickly, so unexpectedly. A lot of times, not as we wish.

May we always be grateful for those we love, those we have loved, those we don’t even know, for we all need each other. If you know me, I will always remember you.

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Forty-five

I don’t mean to disappoint, By using the title “Forty-five” you might have thought this was a post directed at our 45th president. It is not.

On this day, forty-five years ago, in a matter of minutes, I was no longer Karen Olstrom but became Karen Kirby. Though my name had changed, it would take us a lifetime to morph into “one”.

Despite this fact, we have always loved each other. Some people learn the morphing process right away. Some of us take a while.

Even though I love to chat, I am not a good communicator. Leonard can communicate decisively, boldly, bluntly, truthfully…the list could go on. As a sensitive soul, I don’t always handle this well.

After forty-five years of marriage and 2-1/2 years of dating, I appreciate our differences. We have grown. Our Ying and Yang relationship has brought us here. Where I fail, he steps in. Where he’s a little too harsh, I try to balance. A series of ups and downs have constituted our life together.

Some of those valleys have been when we’ve lost those who were ever so special to us. When we have lost those dear to us, we say to ourselves, “Life is short. Cherish each moment.” Gradually, moment by moment, we don’t cherish each day. We get irritated by something that really doesn’t matter or take days for granted.

Waitress took our pic.

Despite our differences, we are united on the things that matter most:

We have always loved each other.

Our love for and pride of our children and grandchildren knows no bounds.

Our belief in God.

Our general beliefs about morality and the world we live in.

I am thankful for this man that I call my husband…this man that I have loved since being captivated by his humor, when I was eighteen.

When I hear the doctor really emphasizing, how lucky he was to be alive! I am thankful!

I pray that I will be better at cherishing moments. We are not promised even our next breath.

On this day, the 45th anniversary of being wed, we…

Took a hike at 7 Bridges Nature Trailhttps://www.alltrails.com/trail/us/michigan/seven-bridges-trail, walked through the flea market and craft show at the Kalkaska Trout festival and ended with a delicious meal at https://www.trouttowntavern.com/

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Comfort

We mom’s, will do anything to protect our “cubs’ from pain and heartache. We do this each step of their journey of breaking away from us to their adulthood. We are their biggest advocate. Cheering them on with all our might. For us, it does not stop there. We live through our kids. Their moments of joy, their achievements, their pain. When they have spouses and their own children, it continues on, Our “cub family” grows and our heart does as well.

My own heart is breaking for the loss of one of my sweet cubs and the pain the rest of my family is enduring. Some pain, a mom can’t fix. Despite their yearning to do so.

To magnify my own grief, we have lost more family and friends and everyday hear of more pain and suffering in those whom we know.

Often, I can find peace in the Words of my Lord. There are times though, that I don’t feel God speak to me through His Word. He knows me in and out. He knows where to speak to my heart.

He knows I am relational. He knows that I don’t take the care of others for granted. He knows how much I value those around me. Kindness bestowed.

In 2 Corinthians 1, it states that God comforts and encourages us in every trouble so that we will be able to comfort and encourage those who are in any kind of trouble, with the comfort with which we ourselves are comforted by God.

God has comforted me numerous times in my life and sometimes, I didn’t see it until much later. However, during the course of several years, the Lord has been surrounding me with friends and family that He, in his wisdom, knew that I would need for this time. If you are in pain or in a hard season, I imagine He has done that for you as well.

God has comforted me through a dear friend meeting for a cup of coffee and praying over me,cards from those I hold dear, words of comfort from so many. My family’s sacrificial love. Through my sisters in Christ who have surrounded me with love, acceptance, encouragement while my “armor” is a little cracked. Through ladies that I meet with weekly, that mean so very much to me.

Even in unlikely places, such as our financial advisor and his assistant that brought words of comfort and has gifted me with attachments for my boots so that I wouldn’t fall again.

I believe God placed me to work side by side for seven years with a young man. An unlikely friendship, yes. Yet, we share a camaraderie. I believe we have a mutual respect and think highly of one another. He has reached out with encouragement at just the right moment to bless my heart.

These people have humbled my heart in their outreach of an underserving soul and I am filled with love for each one.

I am a selfish person by nature.That has been revealed to me more times than I care to admit this past year. I can feel sorry for myself as quick as you can snap your finger.

I feel the Lord is urging me to put my selfishness aside and look for opportunities to reach out to those around me who are hurting. To comfort those as God has comforted me through the hands of others.

Does it take the pain away? No, but I want to turn my pain into someone else’s comfort. For there are many who are suffering, not just me.

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This Mom’s Heart

During my life, I have not been immune to hard times.

The hardest times, however have been when pain befalls on my children through no fault of their own. This is a devastating situation for a parent. When your heart wants to fix their pain, but you do not have the ability to do so.

I can with deepest honesty state that I do not hate anyone. I do, however, hate how people don’t value others. Life is the most precious gift.

With even more sincerity, I can say that I hate cancer! Twice I have received the news of this devastating diagnosis within my son’s small family. Life is the most precious gift. They have valued life.

I received even more devastating news from my daughter-in-law, Hyunjin when she informed me that the doctors told her to go on Hospice. She said Brian is still trying to process and he would contact me when he was ready. When I told her that I would not give up hope. She shared that she had not either until that morning when the doctors suggested hospice. She said she no longer had hope. This broke my heart.

Later, this same day, she FaceTimed us. She was trying to talk quietly as to not bother her roommate. She said she would be going home the next day. She said that they had told her precious sons. Even though my heart is breaking. How difficult this is for her. Not only in physical pain, from this horrific disease, but also the pain of informing your children how hard the coming days will be.

As we were sharing our love for her, she also replied, “Mom, you love so much. Brian needs space and time.” I will give him this space despite how my heart wants to walk through this with him, Hyunjin and the boys. How even though I cannot take away the pain that they are going through. That I could be a support. I feel by giving space, I am not doing what a mother is supposed to do. It seems like I am not caring.

I realize this is selfishness on my part. Wanting to be a “good Mom”. Not doing anything, doesn’t seem like I’m being a good Mom. For when I view my kids, no matter their age, I still see those sweet little people that I had the privilege of sharing life with and their spouses as my own children.

I will do as Hyunjin suggested. She is the one who knows him better than anyone and she is protecting the man she has loved. I will wait and wait some more if need be until they want my help. However hard that may be.

This is not about me…

This is their story. Their love.

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Let Us Give Thanks

Thanksgiving…I know it’s just one day. At times, this day, finds only the two of us having dinner together, at others, their are more. I enjoy preparing the Thanksgiving feast for as many that join us.

This year, we had two of my sister-in-laws, a brother-in-law, my son, daughter-in-law and two of my grandsons and their dog, “Hope”. It was a nice day, where the meal turned out well and good conversation and games were had by all.

On a day where we should reflect on all we have…sometimes, we don’t. You know, when our kids are young, we teach them to share and be kind to others. For myself, I must heed my own direction. When our children get families of their own, then WE have to share. This year, my daughter, her husband and my grandson went to Grand Rapids to spend Thanksgiving with her in-laws. At first, I was disappointed, and of course, I would have loved to have had them here, but as I reflected on thankfulness, the Lord brought a few things to mind.

  1. For several years, my daughter and her family have had Thanksgiving with us.
  2. I am sure, my daughter’s in-laws would have loved to have had them there on the years that they were with us.
  3. My daughter comes over and sees us on birthdays and other holidays.
  4. If I am to treat others as I want to be treated, I must share.

Isn’t it funny how selfish we can be on a day where we should be thankful. For me, most days I am quite thankful for the goodness of God to me. He has shown me so much kindess. This is not a once a year occurence. So, as I have been reflecting all month and being grateful. I am also grateful that my daughter’s in-laws had the opportunity to be with my daughter’s special family.

I did, however get some grandma/grandpa hugs.

Yes, let us give thanks. Today, tomorrow, everyday. For a day does not go by where we have nothing to be thankful for.

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Family Moments

My son, daughter-in-law and two grandsons were able to go to Korea for three weeks. It had been five years since they had been there to visit family. We watched their dog and two cats while they were gone. I was so happy for them to visit and have many fun adventures while there.

On July 4th, Leonard kayaked down the Jordan with his friend. I went to the parade in Boyne City and saw several people I used to work with. What a blessing that was! Tina contacted me and asked if I’d like to go on the pontoon with them. We had a nice time.

On Thursday, Brian and family were jetlagged from their trip to Korea. Leonard and I drove their animals down to them. Ever so brief, but so good to see them.

I have to admit, I do have to get better at using the timer for photos!🙄

We also celebrated Hyunjin’s birthday.❤️

Yesterday, we attended our Olstrom reunion. It was so nice to see cousins! It was a great time!❤️

Brian and Hyunjin got me some Snoopy stuff while in Korea. Notice that it says “lucky “ on it. 😊

It does not matter whether we see each other often or not. The connections that we do take the time to make, are what matters. These connections continue to make us the “Lucky Ones” and I am thankful!

My daughter and grandson are making memories as bicycling buddies.
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Easter ‘23

There are so many things to be thankful for, we definitely are the lucky ones. Lucky that God loved us so much that He sent His sinless Son to the cross. The cross that allows us the privilege of coming to the throne of God. The enormous sacrifice that Jesus paid so that when we stand before God, He sees Jesus.

We are also so privileged to have children and grandchildren that love us!

Even though our son,daughter-in-law and two grandsons were not with us for Easter, our hearts were intertwined.

Love these guys!❤️

We were lucky enough to be able to have my daughter and family over for Easter. So thankful!

Beautiful day. I like to make desserts for every holiday.

May we always thank God for His goodness to us, which continues to make us The Lucky Ones.

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God is So Good

Everyone has things that go on in this life that are not good. We, as we journey through this life have a series of highs and lows. That is life.

Despite this fact, God is always taking care of us. He shows us bits of himself through friendships and loved ones. As we talk with Him, He gives us peace through the storms. Yes, we are the Lucky Ones to have an Awesome Father and those friends and family that touch our lives.

We had the opportunity to go visit my son and family. It was an amazing and enjoyable trip. My daughter-in-law was feeling good and we had the opportunity to not only see our grandson, Andrew’s first theatrical debut but also his band concert the next night. What a joy that was.

Even though he had a minor part. He did an excellent job!

Rather than giving him a bouquet of flowers for his performance, I made a candy bouquet.

Andrew is in the back with the green folder, playing trombone.

They did an amazing job!

On our way home, we were able to visit my daughter and grandson. Seeing both my kids in one weekend!

Today, I was blessed with talking with three of my friends. One of those friends that has been my friend since elementary school, treated me to lunch and gave me a beautiful card, some flowers and a little “smiley guy”. These are the connections that God designs to bring joy to our hearts and boy, does it! I am thankful for these times. He has blessed me with true, praying friends that I cherish so much!

If you know me, you know that I like “smiley faces”. I was excited when I came across this great find…and they go so well with the smiley guy! I just think that’s so fun! I feel smiling and laughter are God doing something special for His kids.

I am thankful to those whose kindness goes well beyond what I could ever dream.

Flowers from my friend❤️
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Christmas Season

Christmas is the day that we celebrate the birth of Jesus. God, in the form of a baby, with the sole purpose of saving us from this world and giving us peace. To emulate His gift to us and to celebrate peace on earth and goodwill toward men, during the “Christmas season” we exchange gifts and gather with family and friends.

We, the Lucky ones, had the priviledge of doing just that. I am especially grateful for the gift of family and time spent with them. We celebrated Christmas morning with reading Luke 2, the Christmas story, having a breakfast casserole and opening gifts. Every gift from Leonard was tagged with: “To my lucky wife”. 🙂 In the afternoon, we had the special opportunity to visit our daughter’s family. She went to much work to prepare many appetizers and a wonderful meal. Our grandson was not feeling well, but we still had a special time. I hope that they can feel our deep love for them.

The following day, I talked Leonard into going to an extended family Christmas party. It was a blessing to see our nieces and nephews. They hold a special place in my heart. I was not able to speak with all, but those that I did, were special moments for me. I have heard that Leonard’s dad always had short visits and when he was ready to go–it was time to go! I think Leonard has inherited that trait.

The following day, we were blessed to have my son and family come for a visit. Leonard has always been the “gruff” one, but recently, he has had a way of touching family. Especially my daughter-in-law…in ways that touch the heart and say what we are both feeling. I am thankful for this and yes, I am his lucky wife. My wish is that they feel the depth of our love for them.

We, the lucky ones, truly cherish each moment that we have with our children and their children. We have been blessed and I praise God for His gift of family to us that we so enjoy.