During my life, I have not been immune to hard times.

The hardest times, however have been when pain befalls on my children through no fault of their own. This is a devastating situation for a parent. When your heart wants to fix their pain, but you do not have the ability to do so.

I can with deepest honesty state that I do not hate anyone. I do, however, hate how people don’t value others. Life is the most precious gift.

With even more sincerity, I can say that I hate cancer! Twice I have received the news of this devastating diagnosis within my son’s small family. Life is the most precious gift. They have valued life.

I received even more devastating news from my daughter-in-law, Hyunjin when she informed me that the doctors told her to go on Hospice. She said Brian is still trying to process and he would contact me when he was ready. When I told her that I would not give up hope. She shared that she had not either until that morning when the doctors suggested hospice. She said she no longer had hope. This broke my heart.

Later, this same day, she FaceTimed us. She was trying to talk quietly as to not bother her roommate. She said she would be going home the next day. She said that they had told her precious sons. Even though my heart is breaking. How difficult this is for her. Not only in physical pain, from this horrific disease, but also the pain of informing your children how hard the coming days will be.

As we were sharing our love for her, she also replied, “Mom, you love so much. Brian needs space and time.” I will give him this space despite how my heart wants to walk through this with him, Hyunjin and the boys. How even though I cannot take away the pain that they are going through. That I could be a support. I feel by giving space, I am not doing what a mother is supposed to do. It seems like I am not caring.

I realize this is selfishness on my part. Wanting to be a “good Mom”. Not doing anything, doesn’t seem like I’m being a good Mom. For when I view my kids, no matter their age, I still see those sweet little people that I had the privilege of sharing life with and their spouses as my own children.

I will do as Hyunjin suggested. She is the one who knows him better than anyone and she is protecting the man she has loved. I will wait and wait some more if need be until they want my help. However hard that may be.

This is not about me…

This is their story. Their love.